The Curse of the Artist

Some see art as a challenge — but is a challenge not meant to possess an explicit, achievable component? With many of life's pursuits, there is some clear goal or waypoint upon which an individual can base their course of travel. What is perhaps both liberating and oppressive for an artist, however, is that this fact does not apply.

Within fine art, there are hundreds upon hundreds of movements, with artists throughout the ages feeling the desire to break away from and/or redefine the prominent movements of their time so as to create even more movements and sub-movements. Within any field of art, whether it be fine art or commercial art, resides the fact that there simply is no explicit goal (other than to make money).

'Les Bas Blancs,' by Gustave Courbet
— is this good art?

'Pietà,' by Michelangelo
— is this good art?

An architect has it in their responsibility to create a structurally secure building that satisfies the requirements of a certain function and delivers a certain aesthetic through its design. An artist's responsibilities, however, are far more vague; a painter has the freedom to paint something vulgar, beautiful, mundane, confusing, misleading, explicit, implicit, emotional, unemotional, imaginative, unimaginative, surreal, abstract, realistic, hyper-realistic, figurative, non-figurative, representational, non-representational, and so on — if I were to carry on here, there would be enough adjectives to fill an A4 page!

'An Interesting Story,'
by Léon Bazille Perrault
— is this good art?

With art being so unconstrained, as mentioned, there lies both a liberating and oppressive element. In one respect, it is fantastic to have so much ground on which to tred, but in another respect, is that fact that with so much territory to explore, an artist is left confused as to where they actually stand. I have no idea how good an artist I am, or, if for that matter, I am indeed an artist at all. I am told many different things by different people about my art. I don't think this diversity in opinion is a matter of some people being more or less honest than others; I think it's simply that art has no intrinsic requirements. That is to say, the only existing requirements are those set by the artist.

'Seascape Study,'
by John Constable
— is this good art?

Perhaps one day, as a commercial artist, I will have someone setting the boundaries; but even within such boundaries how can one possibly know whether or not their art is good? What makes a good painting, a good painting? What makes a shit artist, a shit artist? Being an existentialist, I don't really believe that any art can truly be classed as 'good art' or 'bad art.'

The fact that I have no clear objective, causes my mind a lot of torment. There is only one certainty that I possess over my art: I hate it!

I just simply do not know what to think or how to feel anymore — and that isn't to say that I ever did. Trying to become a better artist is one of the most emotionally tough things I have ever put myself through. As I become better, my perspective shifts such that I feel I am even worse an artist than before, and when I look back on my old artwork, I do not feel a sense of progression, only disgust and self-contempt.

'Leicester Guildhall,' by Me
— is this good art?

I have no idea if in a year's time I will be 'employable' or just another art student of mediocre calibre who no one wants. I do not know whether I should paint and 3D model things that will make me feel fulfilled or things that might get me a job.

I feel that I am spinning around in a fickle vortex, unable to see the world for what it is, and unable to grasp at anything. I feel like a void trapped within a yet larger void whose interactions with others occur through a thick layer of empty space. I feel detached, isolated, deadened, empty. I feel worthless and insignificant.

 But all that said, I am far enough away from depression to realise that I don't want to feel this way. I just want to make art and don't understand why things within my mind have to be so unnecessarily complex.