Where Am I Headed?

I'm not altogether sure that I will ever reach a point at which I am fully prepared to face the choices lying ahead of me. I would love for a career constrained by nothing other than the very accommodating bounds of a polymathic lifestyle, just as the Renaissance movement originally encouraged. I don't want to do only a single thing with my life, and I hate how our society's economic mechanism encourages against chasing multiple dreams.

The sentiment that originally led me to follow a higher education in game art was very simple: I like traditional art a lot; I like digital and interactive forms of art a lot; I like games a bit too. The reason I don't hold games in as high a regard as art is because of the consumerist stain that runs deep into their fundamental essence. Although this is also applicable to some art, there is no escaping the fact that games are built from the ground up with the foremost intention being for them to generate as much profit as possible. Just as it is with most things within capatalist society, games are products, and the priorities of a product are absorbed in the making of money.

I sound like a naïve, idealistic twat ― I realise that. I'll try to justify my feelings a little further in the following paragraphs.

It is not the advertisements placed within games that upsets me; it is not the product placement that has game assets branded with various corporate logos that upsets me; it is not even the downloadable content (DLC) that users purchase only to have something already sitting on their game disc magically unlocked that upsets me.

These two games are separated
by 13 years but look
practically the same!

What upsets me about games is simply the fact that artistic freedom is heavily restricted by decisions made by publishers. The profit-monkeys who fund development studios care not for artistic expression; only money. This, and the fact that exploring familiar territory is generally safer, cultivates in publishers funding projects that follow a similar tangent to games that have in the past proven successful. What this then leads to is a game genre remaining stagnant for years upon years while a plethora of near-identical games erupt off store shelves and into the laps of thousands of zombie consumers every Christmas. I am so utterly sick of hearing about FPS's set around the idea of blowing the head off of every German or Middle-Easterner you see. I would love to be part of a game project set in a less acknowledged part of the world (such as Tibet or Burma) where interaction with other humans is far more complex than that of mere violence.

One might argue that what I have said is true of all creative industries but I can prove that incorrect with the music industry used as an example. Sure, within the mainstream music industry there are plenty of big names to which what I have said does apply, but there are also many smaller music groups residing within underground and alternative music culture who constantly redefine musical genres with powerful, refreshing music that prioritises creativity over revenue. A socio-political industrial music group going by the name, Opir, forms a good example of this. The group's very niche music addresses some of their biggest concerns regarding American politics in an incredibly intricate and unique soundscape of harsh beats, electronic melodies and distorted vocal samples.

It could at this point be argued that non-mainstream music groups are comparable to indie game developers, but again, this is incorrect. I have worked for a small games developer before and the firm's desperate yearning to surpass break-even point each month was incredibly apparent. Game studios require a larger initial investment than bands as do they generate more overheads each month thereafter. With all these assets and investments put into their businesses, indie developers end up just as afraid as larger developers to play around with risky projects.

Buddhist monastery, nearby Mount Popa, Burma



Potala Palace, Lhasa, Tibet

Would beautifal, culturally-rich places like these not make for an interesting game setting?

I would love to be the sort of environmental artist who creates really unique, gripping cityscapes and landscapes that draw inspiration from a wide range of lesser-known cultures and mythologies. Doing something like that would be amazing and it is the spark of hope that such a career option is possible that is keeping me on my feet at the moment.

Creativity is what I live for, and perhaps this is why as an artist I feel so much anguish. Nothing that I have ever produced has made me feel anything close to fulfilled or satisfied; all I can ever think about is how much better I could have done. I do not enjoy being an artist but I simply cannot imagine myself not being one. The idea of not dabbling in the creative fields is far worse than the emotional toll that being an artist has on me. Even when I'm taking a break from work, my displacement activities are almost always in some way or another creative; such as modifying a pair of boots, or taking a day out to do some photography.

What-ever job I end up in, it will most likely entail a fusion of visual creativity, technology and culture — those are my main three interests.